Spambot Comment Spotlight

Before your blog starts getting comments by actual human users, you’ll start receiving weird comments with poor grammar (or possibly not even written in English) that either make zero sense or make sense and are actually random advertisements. Yep, we’re talking about roving spambots. These things seem to find your blog before you even attempt promoting the thing and even more roll in once some exposure is attained. These bots either drop off comments written by someone who’s first language isn’t English or are randomly generated from lists of common keywords and phrases. For the first few months I just ignored the occasional spam comment and deleted them as they arrived. But when my phone buzzed thirty-three times when I was trying to watch Captain America: Civil War, I got fed up with the ‘bots and installed Disqus to help filter the junk out.

The last round of spam comments though were perhaps the most entertaining and surreal of them all. A single comment, each with a different author/email address, was left on each post on the blog. There won’t be any more junk comments like this coming through the site, so let’s enjoy some of the interesting and outright bizarre spambot comments.

Let the riffing begin.

World of What-craft?

Yay, ATA is back!Glad to hear Hasteur got his prizes. The WoW audio you played in this episode was super exciting! It always sounds like a movie.It was super interesting to hear about the favorite personal moments from people who work for BlaG!ardzzreit show!
—Posted on Enhance Your Vocabulary, Enhance Your Life

The only discernible part of this comment was the praise for use of World of Warcraft audio. This comment neither used any videos or music nor did it reference the MMO. The word ‘BlaG!ardzzreit’ seems to be a mistransliteration of Blizzard, because it returns zero Google searches otherwise.

Erect Cubone

so glad you have a blog too! ? Your Valentines day outfit is absolutely steW&ing!nun#39;d love you to have a look at our blog..X.x.Ruth and Bec
—Posted on Cosplay Adventures with Cubone

Why thank you Ruth and Bec! My Cubone costume was quite stunning wasn’t it?

spambot pokemon cubone
Photo by The Variant

Night of the Winning Dead

Wat ben je toch een talentvolle bastard, jalooeerrss! ? Een short in deze stijl (wel met zombies graag), en dan kun je volgens mij gaan leven van alle eerste prijzen op anesetiifamtivals! Wel de achtergronden outsourcen naar graag, die jongen moet ook eten. ?
—Posted on List Your Problems Away: Practical Application

According to Google Translate, this German spambot is incredibly jealous of me for being such a talented bastard, but then complains about zombies taking first prize in all of the festivals it attends. Keep reading my self improvement posts, you’ll beat those zombies someday.

The very besestt like no one ever was

That’s way the besestt answer so far!
—Posted on Shoutout: Feasting on Fusion – Tried and True Worldly Recipes

You’re right, Feasting on Fusion‘s recipes really are the besestt around.

Elementary, my dear Dubya.

Our puppet Overlords seem to be better than our current politicians. Let’s elect them president and vice president. I guess Bush was a puppet but he doesn’t co#.7nI&u821t;ve seen that Sherlock Holmes movie you mentioned. It’s totally horrible. Just the kind of movie I watch.Another good show you two.
—Posted on An Introduction

The spambot went straight from a ‘Bush did 9/11!’ rant to how much it hates the recent Sherlock Holmes movies but loves the BBC series. I find this believable as something a neckbeard with a short attention span would say/do.

Hoshido vs. ISIS

There are NO CHRISTIANS left in Iraq after the decade long ocn0aptioc̷Who the hell are YOU to think you KNOW what sin is? You are the archetype in that mini-series – The Pillars of the Earth – the Bishop who with his very last breath spit in the face of the monk who persevered in building the Church…Please DO the exact opposite of everything I do….and enjoy the fruits and the unintended consequences. Man-o-man, where is Homeland Insecurity to track the psychos….? I’d be all over this *mouse* as a bona-fide nut – rich or not…
—Posted on Icons of Motivation: Mozu (Fire Emblem Fates)

Apparently this bot expects the cast of Fire Emblem Fates to liberate Yazidi Christians under attack by ISIS. Still a more realistic strategy than anything Donald Trump has suggested.

The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen

Delicious! I have made this exactly as written and everyone loved it. The pastry is very tender, and fell apart the first time I tried to roll it; I then susscecfully rolled it between 2 pieces of cling wrap. Thanks!
—Posted on Icons of Motivation: Daredevil

Matthew Murdock is revered across New York for his indelible cooking, didn’t you know that?

spambot daredevil marvel netflix
This actually happened in the comics at one point.

Good Deeds Down Under

Do7#;821n&t know about NZ, but in Australia the student loan is re-paid by an addition to tax that only kicks in above a certain income (that is, if you never get a good job, you never re-pay it). So repayment cannot be a cause of financial stress. I do not believe this is comparable to the US situation.
—Posted on Seven Days of Good Deeds

Apparently my Seven Days of Good Deeds plan qualifies for student loan forgiveness in Australia. If only that was the case in the USA…

Land Deed, I choose you!

last holder of the title was already paid for it so has no further coinrdeiatson in the matterThis is what the banks are trying to prove,if they have clear title to the property.In this case the one that can prove clear title will own the property.And who has it?
—Posted on Icons of Motivation: Ash Ketchum

Don’t you remember that episode when Ash got embroiled in a heated legal battle over property rights? Not everything can be solved with a Pokémon battle, you know.

The Revolution will Not be Legible

Niekedy musí byÅ¥ u ľudí aj autorita strachu. Sme už raz takí, inak sa nedokážeme reÅo¡ektpvaÅ¥. ÄŒesÅ¥ výnimkám, ale tých je málo. Predstavte si, ako by to vyzeralo napríklad na naÅ¡ich cestách, keby sa ľudia nebáli policajtov. Aj tak je to dosÅ¥ hrozné. V Å¡kolstve si teraz tí malí grázlici utvorili anarchiu a neboja sa ničoho. V tom je ten problém. Každý extrém je Å¡kodlivý.
—Posted on An Introduction

This one is a complete mystery. Google Translate identifies the language as Slovak, but the translation only pulls a few words and zero usable sentences, although the words “police,” “authority,” and “anarchy” sound like something exciting is happening.

I’ll miss you, random spambots. You were entertaining, but I don’t think this relationship will work if you’re going to keep blowing up my phone when I’m getting my Marvel fix. Enjoy Disqus’s spam filter. For you, the reader, I hope you enjoyed these nuggets of humor. Don’t worry, it’s back to motivational platitudes come Friday.

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